Since I quit the ORU Dance Team one week ago, people have bombarded me with one specific question: WHY DID YOU QUIT? Hopefully this post will help you to understand.
As a freshman waltzing into college, it was difficult for me to comprehend the power of a time commitment. Being on dance team took up a large portion of my time. Between practices and games, I struggled to prioritize my life. I spent the month of December (Christmas Break) praying and listening to the Lord. I knew that if I continued to live my life by a routine, I would remain overwhelmed. I tried to brush the feelings aside, but finally dealt with them last Thursday at "ReFresh" (an event for ORU's community outreach leaders).
After spending an hour playing dodgeball, it was time to get serious- time to really "ReFresh." As the director of ORU Missions and Outreach, Bobby, began reading off all the outreaches for the semester, I felt tears fall from my eyes. As he spoke of the Boys and Girls Club, the Children's Medical Center, the Laura Dester Home, I realized that I had never wanted to volunteer this passionately in my entire life. The only problem was that I could not attend any of the outreaches- because i had to be at dance practice or games. Then an idea hit me: What if I quit?
Bobby then said, "Your ministry is your availability." I began to think of my availability. Truth is, I was not available to God. At 18 years old, I can go wherever He sends me. I don't have to be in college. I don't have to raise a family. I can simply live. The problem was not Dance Team. The problem was that I was in denial. I didn't want to face the fact that I was living a life in which I gave only one night a week to God. GOD CAME ALL THE WAY TO GET TO ME. HOW COULD I NOT BE RUNNING FRANTICALLY TO GET TO HIM? I then experienced a conversation with the Lord:
ME: Lord, I want to be available to you. But can I just wait until next semester? Just let me finish this semester being me.
JESUS: I could come back tomorrow. What if i choose to come back for my children tomorrow?
ME: What if people call me a quitter? If my reputation is ruined? I'm just a freshman....
JESUS: I've been called much worse.
ME: It's just that my whole life i've danced. That is what people identify me with. What will i be known for without that?
JESUS: I will change your identity. You will find who you are, in Me.
ME: I just don't know....
JESUS: Why did you come to ORU in the first place? Was it not to hear my voice? To learn to go when i say go?
ME: You're right.
JESUS: This is definitely my voice. So what will it be? Will you come follow Me?
ME: Yes.
So there you have it, the reason i quit. Being a collegiate dancer was a dream come true. I've been dancing since I was three years old. Dancing was expected of me. Yet even when my "greatest dream" was met, I had still felt empty. The Lord was teaching me that nothing of this world, even that which we revere highest, can fill us. He is the only one who can make us whole. In Him, I am a whole person. But it was imperative that he send this little earthquake my way, so that i could be blessed with the aftershock....
Three days after quitting, I was teaching a child how to roller skate. It was the exact time that I would have been at a parade for dance team. The child asked me, "Will you stay right beside me?" So I did. After an hour, I asked the child if he wanted to try it on his own. He begged me not to let go of his hand. I told him i would hold it as long as he needed. As he told me about his dreams and his family, i realized that this was my purpose. I am called to be a hand to the broken, the needy, the hurting, the lost. Even if this is the only aftershock to come my way, it is more than enough for me.
So now i will leave you with a few words- a commission, that changed my life 9 months ago when I walked on to the campus of Oral Roberts University for the first time.
"Raise up your students to hear My voice, to go where My light is dim, where My voice is heard small, and My healing power is not known, even to the uttermost bounds of the earth. Their work will exceed yours, and in this I am well pleased."
-God's Commission to Oral Roberts
